Three Tools of Grief

FAITH/TRUST- As a part of the immune system, grief is inherently restorative; as such we can trust it. Where we get stuck in grief is always where we stop moving with/trusting the experience and begin fighting it or questioning the sense of it. FAITH is an open mind and heart. It is the ability to move forward without knowing, to keep walking even in the dark. To trust that this is a passage we are moving through and not a permanent state. Ultimately, grief requires faith in ourselves- to not give up, but cooperate with what life has handed us- by working with it rather than fighting against it. As humans, we are wired to find the hidden potential in this universal developmental passage

SELF COMPASSION- Grief is about meeting ourselves where we are at. We have been given an unwanted job that lasts a lifetime that we didn’t ask for and actively don’t want. We are navigating a foreign landscape. We need to accompany ourselves with kindness; adjust expectations accordingly; have compassion for our limits and respect them; Self protect; incorporate grief breaks; and treat ourselves like the hero that we are required to be in grief. We deserve our deepest love and support as we heal from this deep wound.

PERSPECTIVE- Be willing to see events from all angles- don’t get fixated in one view. Grief is a story in our lives but we don’t want it to become the story of our life. It represents an intense chapter, and it is also as we review past chapters through this new lens, as we tell the story of what’s happened to us, and as we write the next chapter, we need the third tool of grief. Perspective includes examining and re-engaging with whats beautiful that is still left to us. It includes gratitude for what we still have. It includes giving ourselves permission to engage in what may be yet to come.